Got drunk and danced for hours. I love dancing. It's the only reason to carry on with the rest of life. I can't wait to go out this next Friday. And dance, dance, dance. I'm still a bit drunk actually. I'll be drunk on Friday, and wearing a beautiful outfit, surrounded by other people dancing in beautiful outfits. I can't F*CKING wait, my God. And the next Friday, and the next Friday, forever and ever and ever. It just feels so good. There's absolutely no way that sex is better than dancing. I'll eat my fucking html if it is.
Just found out about midi files. Obsessed. I think I must have downloaded about twenty already. You're telling me someone made, of all songs, Bailando by Paradisio into a high-quality MIDI that I can download? For free? Wicked. Rest assured that soon this website will be crawling with them. Hopefully not autoplay though I find that a little irritating if I'm already listening to something. But when I'm on other people's websites, I find that their SCM music players don't work on my computer? Also annoying. I want to hear that funky music!!!
(WARNING: MISERABLE B*TCH POSTING AHEAD) I also just remembered the Bowery Electric. Last winter I listened to their music all the time. It was one of the worst times of my life (and like everyone, I've had a few of those). I developed this fixation on being clean, and I would listen to Beat in the shower and scrub and scrub with this godawful "strawberry" scented shower gel that made my skin itchier and dryer than a profesional dry thing on dry tablets. I felt totally alone in the world. There wasn't anything much outside of my bedroom, which for the first time in my life was actually clean. It was like everything meaningful had been bleached out of my life, like one of those dead coral reefs. (reeves?Hoofs/hooves. Lol) I tried to find some meaning, to create some. I have a million note books filled with the scribblings of what would now no doubt appear to be that of a verifiable lunatic, but at the time the thoughts inside them were what my whole life revolved around.
This winter has been quite different, still very bad; but a much more emotional time with a good deal of crying and anger, which were both conspicuously absent from last year. Last winter was so stagnant I think I must have hatched a thousand mosquitoes in my mind, all buzz buzz buzzing around in my mind, sounding not too dissimilar to the Bowery Electric. I miss the way I thought of my friends when I was younger. They were my rock, the only reason to do anything at all. But with the revelation of my dislike for them, I can't really find much to care about. Eccentrica C. Wurly signing off.
I think I might become a part-time goth. I love bright colours but there is something appealing about the idea. I have a pair of black platform boots that used to belong to a friend of my sister's, and I was wearing them today with a long dark blue skirt and a purple top and black choker and then before I knew what I was doing I was putting on dark purple eyeliner and brown lipstick with dark brown lipliner. Maybe not the gothest thing but it felt really nice. And I was listening to Echo & the Bunny Men for more or less the first time and idk. It was fun to swish around in that skirt and listen to music about strange things. Maybe among the goths is where I will find "my people". I'm afraid that all the friends I have at the moment make me feel even more like an alien than I already am. I don't really understand them, and I don't think they have much hope of understanding me. I don't think it makes me or them happy, really.
Spent all day and yesterday "on my puter" tinkering with this god forsaken webbed site. What do we think of the readability improvements? I'm very happy! It reminds me of the dust jackets of books I used to read when I was younger. I think to make proper progress on this site I'm going to have to use a css style sheet but ghhhh. New things. Who has the time for that bullsh*t?! But it can't be that hard if literally millions of other people have done it before.
How I want the website to work (at least at first before I can implement - now there's a techy sounding word - a menu) is that you'll read about my hobbies, and if for instance "people watching" sounds interesting to you, you'll click on that word and get taken to a page where I write about real life interesting people I've seen around. So forth for youtube - taken to a list of my favourite 'tubers & vids, clubbing/gigs - taken to a storytimes/pics page, surfing the net - taken to a list of my favourite websites etc etc etc.
Easter hols are over soon and I am in no way ready to be thrown back into schoolwork and "friendships" and actually having to do things that I don't want to do. I think my parents are a bit worried about me, and I hate being a burden to them. They've given me everything and all I've done in make this crappy website!!!
Hung out with my friend and gossiped! Finally read the dreaded texts from a boy whose instagram I accidentally asked for (yeah, I'm not really sure how I managed that either). Anyway, it's good news - I never have to see him again! I'm terrified he thought I was flirting with him when really I was just more drunk than usual. Like the idea of it disgusts me but I'm not really sure why. Likewise the idea that he would have been flirting with me. Yucky! I'm scared that whenever I meet a boy for the first time I'm acting that sort of way, because most of the times when I've seen my girl friends talk to a boy for the first time, they've fancied that boy or been flirting for fun or whatever. So if I unwittingly build my model of appropriate social interactions with strangers off of that then I'm going to end up making a right tit of myself, aren't I. Also, I can't believe the Pope is dead! R.I.P.